I’m coming up on 21 months since dday, and doing a quick reflection on year 2 — you were right … year 2 is absolutely the worst! Honestly, I just want to fast forward a few months and skip out of this place altogether.
I’m trying to adjust to my "new normal" — I guess that’s what people call it? But in a lot of ways, I’m still struggling to actually move forward. I’ve been stuck mentally in those first six months after dday, and I can’t seem to leave these memories or this time where it belongs — in the past. I still find myself bringing up my H’s infidelity every day, even though I know it’s not productive "talk." I make little digs or comments daily and not to open up a real conversation, but just a reminder of what he’s done. I need him to remember that he destroyed his family — for nothing.
Here’s the kicker … I don’t even want to talk about it. I’ve lived and breathed this for almost two years — I don’t want to keep reliving it every day. But when I don’t bring it up, it feels like I’m somehow "moving on," even though I’m still so deep in it. Does that make sense?
How do I adjust to this weird, in-between phase? I’m way past the initial shock, I’ve accepted that it happened, I know I can’t change it, I haven’t had any new questions in well over a year, etc. I feel like I’ve gotten the full picture or at least as much of it as I’ll ever have. I really have no need, no desire to sit in that space — yet it’s like I force myself too.
I still feel so stuck and weird about this "new normal." Kinda like, "oh hey, remember the time you cheated on me with your ugly, old, coworker, who on any other terms you wouldn’t be caught dead with and then in return you destroyed your family’s lives for nothing — remember that little blimp in the marital journey." Like, F me.
To put it bluntly, this "new normal" sucks — I hate it. It feels like I/him/we haven’t really done deep repair or healing work in year 2 — we’ve just kinda stalled and seem to be coasting from day to day. I don’t know how to get unstuck from here. Suggestions on how to finish year 2 on more of a productive note and head into year 3 with more intention.
