SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

For context, I’m going to give a quick background look into my relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years (total.) I put total in parentheses because we broke up for a year due to reasons that have nothing to do with cheating, just to preface. We’re high school sweethearts, been through quite a lot together. Last April he graduated boot camp. We rekindled then. By June, we were officially back together.

Fast forward and it’s October of 2025. After several restless nights, one morning I woke up and after many days of contemplation, I messaged a specific girl who was training with him that he followed on Instagram. I had no evidence at all he was cheating, and that it was her, it was my gut.

Lo and behold, they had a secret relationship from April to June. See, I wouldn’t have even considered it technically cheating if it did not intertwine with mine and his relationship since we were not officially together until the latter of their relationship, but it did. And he was still in contact with her.

I confronted him. Mind you, we are long distance and at this time he was on the other side of the United States so that added more stress to the situation. His apology did actually seem genuine. I’ve dealt with a cheating partner before and his remorse seemed sincere to me. I decided to stay.

Now, It’s been 4 almost 5 I guess now months of our "reconciliation." It hasn’t been easy. He has done good, for what it’s worth. Gave me all passwords to anything, is transparent about things, the gist of it. And I would like to say I have healed to an extent.

People judge me a lot for my choice. The main factor being that we are young adults and I have too much time left to stay with a cheater. The only defense I have to that is I know who he was before any of this. It may sound naive, but I’ve known him for years. I’m not blaming the military, but there are stereotypes for a reason. He very well could have always been a person capable of doing such. I may not believe that, but what I choose to think moving forward & what I told him is he made a costly decision & has to pick up the pieces of what he broke. But most importantly rewire whatever part of his brain that made him think it was okay to do it to make us work.

I’m not here to ask why he did what he did.. or if I’m going to get cheated on again. I know the likelihood and I know the risks. I know that my situation may not end up successful like others. I just want to know if there’s anyone out there who has dealt with my similar situation and worked it out. I want things to work out between us, and on paper they’re good. But when you get cheated on it becomes almost like PTSD. If there’s anything that helped strengthen your relationship, or made the process easier if any, whatever it may be. I’m all ears.

[This message edited by ghoulify at 9:25 AM, Thursday, February 5th]

I am going to respond to your specific question.

Yes my H & I have successfully reconciled. While not in the military he traveled extensively for decades with his career. One year he commuted to the opposite coast for almost a year. Other times he’s in a foreign country for 7 days.

My H has changed since his last affair and I no longer "wonder" if he’s cheating. Even if he travels for work now, I don’t get suspicious. So to answer your question people can and do change.

In your case you have to decide what is best for you. You may want to network with other military spouses to get their perspective on what your future holds in terms of being apart or moving often.

My advice to you is this. Always have a plan. By that I mean be prepared for life’s events. Kids. Illness. Frequent moving (as part of the military life). Being apart for extended periods.

Always have emergency money just in case. When my H planned to walk out the door years and years ago, we had kids, house with a mortgage I couldn’t afford on my own, credit card debt, college savings plans that needed funding and I had NO IDEA if I’d have to fight for child support or not.

You need a plan not for a D but for life. What if your partner/husband becomes ill and cannot work? Can you survive that financially? What if you have a child with a medical condition? Can you work together to do what’s needed or will your relationship or marriage suffer?

This is life. You want to know you have a partner or spouse you can rely on. That’s what dating is for - building a relationship that shows you how life will be if married.

Hope this helps you.