XW and Current Wife/My Former AP are Meeting

I suppose a bit of background is due here. My current W and I began our relationship while I was still married to my XW, which resulted in our divorce. I am certainly not proud of what we did, and it took being cheated on myself for me to gain any empathy for XW. My current WW, through witnessing my pain and trauma, has come to regret causing hurt to XW as well. They have never met in the whole decade that my CW and I have been together.

XW and I have two children together, the younger of whom is completing her last year of high school and performing in her final school theater performance. The school is doing something special to honor the seniors, and is requiring supporting family members who attend to sit together. My daughter wants myself, my CW, her baby sister, her mother, and her soon-to-be step father to attend, which means XW and CW will be in the vicinity of one another for the first time.

I'm nervous about it, and not sure how the interaction will go, if there will be an interaction at all. XW is not the type of person who lets any kind of injury go, and I did not behave in any way that was conducive to her healing. I don't know whether or how much she healed from my infidelity at all. I know my CW is inclined to issue an apology if there is a reasonable opportunity, but I'm not sure if XW would even be interested in hearing it. It's possible that she'll just sit as far away from CW as the seating arrangement will allow and do her best to ignore her existence.

We're all showing up to support our daughter, and I don't want there to be a scene. What would be the best way to approach this? Just let XW lead and respond as amicably as we can?

65 comments posted: Friday, February 6th, 2026

What’s the probability he’s cheating?

A subordinate from work called me on my drive home today and asked me if he could share his location with me and if I could tell him where it was showing up. Instant alarm bells started going off in my head. I wanted to know why, but he wouldn’t tell me until I reported back on his location. After I answered, he explained that he was still living with his ex-girlfriend for the purpose of sharing rent, while he saves up for somewhere else to live. He started dating a new woman 9 months ago, but told her he was living with his sister instead of his ex. Apparently the ex found out, contacted the current GF, and told her they were living together and still dating "out of jealousy."

He continued to lie to CGF and deny it, and he was on his way to his sister’s house to pick her up, bring her back to his place, and take photos with her there to send to CGF, and he didn’t want her to see his location moving. Of course I told him he needs to fess up, that you can’t start a relationship on a lie, of course she’s going to find out eventually, and then it’s going to be even worse because they will be more involved and he will have told more and more lies. I suggested maybe she would understand why he didn’t want to tell her about his living situation and give him another chance if he confessed of his own accord and promised honesty going forward. He replied, "No, then she’ll definitely break up with me!" And I told him it’s her right to know the truth so she can make that informed decision for herself. Of course, he didn’t want to listen and wouldn’t be convinced, and we hung up as he arrived at his sister’s.

I’m angry with him for making me complicit in his scheme, and for lying in general. It’s especially bad that he’s telling me this, as I’m responsible for grading his performance at work, and now I have to worry if I’m being objective or not. I will most definitely be on the lookout for any work-related dishonesty, that’s for sure.

What is the probability that he is/was still involved with the "ex" and two-timing both women? And do I have an obligation to try to seek one or both of them out and inform them? I don’t know how I would even go about doing that, or whether it’s prudent.

Help!

0 comment posted: Wednesday, February 4th, 2026

Wife finally blocked AP

Hi all. I am relatively new here, so forgive me if I use any of the abbreviations correctly. Still getting the knack of them.

Long story short, my wife told her AP that she would no longer be in contact with him a few hours after I confronted her on D-Day. She refused to block him, however, because they had been sexting, and she feared that he would try to blackmail her, saying that she wanted the possibility of getting a "heads up" if he decided to do that. It made me uneasy and I didn’t fully buy it, but after asking several times and getting the same answer, I tried to let it go.

Still, I went through her phone every night for weeks after, looking for correspondence between the two on every app I could think of. There didn’t appear to be any. Though, funny story, I did see notifications on her screen from an app called Flo and demanded to know whether she was using that to communicate with him, and, well, if you know anything about that app, you would understand why she couldn’t suppress a laugh about that one.

Three days after D-Day, she let me know that AP texted her again, and asked for permission to respond. I tentatively gave it to her. She ended up lecturing him on how much pain she saw in my face that morning and how immoral it is to pursue relationships with married people. I think I would have preferred if she hadn’t responded at all, and it seemed kind of hypocritical, but at least she had the right spirit.

He has texted her again twice since, three weeks out, and just yesterday, six months out. Each time she has let me know and not responded. She says she feels "disrespected" when he does that, and complains to me about him "violating the boundary" she set. A little ironic. While I wish she would have just blocked him to begin with so he wasn’t harassing her and re-triggering the both of us, I take her reaction to it to be a good sign.

Yesterday she posted on a different infidelity forum, expressing her displeasure at his continued attempts to contact her. While they didn’t buy her explanation that she was afraid of blackmail either, which visibly upset her to the point where I asked her what was going on, they seemed to have convinced her to finally block him. She said she guesses if he was going to blackmail her, he would have done so already. Took her long enough, but I am counting this as a small victory!

Just thought I would come here to share it with you all. Thanks for reading.

40 comments posted: Wednesday, December 17th, 2025